Distractions and Sadness
When I'm distracted, or busy, I get mad. I know what I should be doing, but outside influences are swaying or enticing me away from that. If I'm not congruent, I'm lead into further distractions. Why is this a problem?
Productivity is at stake.
I was born a hyperactive child always wanting something going on in my days to keep me busy. Focus was never a problem as a child. I successfully completed all my necessary years at school and continued on to earn a Bachelor's degree. I made good grades. I enjoyed school. I enjoyed working when I was old enough too. I enjoyed seeing the results of my hard work both in my degree and my paycheck.
Then getting married and having children became a blessing in my life. I was plenty busy taking care of my babies, getting them ready for school and being a supportive wife while my husband has struggled to find a career that helps him feel valued and which he enjoys. Life has been pretty busy up to this point.
I got all of my children off to school for at least half the day last year. I pushed into finding something that would benefit my need to stay productive, that is outside of laundry, house cleaning, cooking, etc, that I can normally get down in a few hours anyway. I attended personal growth conferences, listened to podcasts that energized me to become my best self, not only for me, but for my husband and kids as well. I found my place as a public service individual, a personal trainer. Yes, I put me up there with other service individuals because what I do is VERY essential. Helping people understand how to live healthier lives through intuitive eating and daily exercise routines.
Anyways, I felt alive when I was participating as a trainer and educator, until we moved to Arizona just over a month ago. For some reason, I lost myself. The first 3 weeks were nothing short of AWFUL! I have never felt so disconnected with who I was, my purpose and how to live each day. I didn't even feel good going through the motions of what I was previously doing to stay sane (reading my scriptures, sleeping well and exercising). I had never felt so empty with so much knowledge.
Knowing something means you have a reason to do, or not do something, that you know is best for you. I was now on the other side of the fence, so to say, feeling lost and not knowing what to do. So I would go throughout the days being distracted by requests being made, instead of me making decisions based off of what I felt was right in the moment.
I was living a very mundane, lack of purpose life. I was distracted, sad and lonely, but had SO much going for me.
Oftentimes, there are two traditional ways to act when we're struggling. We either pull ourselves away from everyone and think that we're the only ones going through...., or we minimize our feelings because someone else is going through something much harder. Either way, these are both unhealthy ways of dealing while struggling. Fortunately, somehow, I was blessed to not do either of these, but unfortunately, I didn't do either of these.
I was a little too vocal about my feelings, which didn't make life for my husband or kids any easier as we were trying to transition to a new life, in a new house, in a new state. I somehow failed to remember that we were all experiencing newness, loneliness and change. I wasn't the only one, but I was acting like it. Then when I would lash out in frustration or whining about not feeling fulfilled, I would pull back. HELLO! I was doing EXACTLY what I didn't think, and much more importantly what I didn't want to be doing. I wasn't living a purpose driven life. I was reacting and not being proactive about the time that I had to meet new people, fortify family relationships, spiritually become closer to God through meaningful prayer and assist others on this same journey that we're on together.
I was being selfish only thinking about the struggles that I am facing. I was victimizing myself, thus clouding my vision of hope and growth. I wasn't doing myself, or anyone around me, any favors.
Sooooo....I've pulled back into a routine that I lost a while ago because I thought I was doing fine without it. Making a plan everyday. I was consistently writing in a preparation journal, The High Performance Planner by Brendon Burchard a well trusted mentor in personal growth while I was studying to become a personal trainer, manage home life and enjoy being busy. Then my business exploded, kids were sent home from school, Jeremy decided to start his own business and I felt like the planner took too much of my time, so I stopped. The last few weeks I have been writing in it again and it has helped me stay focused and not distracted. While my sadness hasn't gone away, nor do I think it will until 'my normal' returns, having a purpose to my days has helped me reduce those continual symptoms.
It's the little tools in life that truly do get us through the hard times, yet they seem much more daunting until we actually put it to the test. I mean how hard is it to spend 15-20 minutes a day planning out your day. Maybe some of it when we moved here was that my planner looked pretty empty. But it's not all about me. Questions that help me stay focused on being a positive example and light to others help me stop thinking about how sad I feel when others are experiencing the same frustrations and restrictions as I am.
One thing I can get excited about today is....
Someone who needs me on my A-game today is.....
Someone I could surprise with a note, gift, or sign of appreciation is....
One action I could take today to demonstrate excellence or real value is....
I would know that today was a great success if at the end I felt, did or said...
This forward thinking limits the distractions I feel are so easy to fall into.
"Meandering through your days or life leads to mediocrity. Set an intention each day no matter how small. You, my friend, can accomplish great things."-Brendon Burchard
And I would add "...line upon line, precept upon precept." The more effort we take to show we want to live a purposeful life, the more opportunities to do so will be presented.